ARE THEY BROTHERS? I MEAN, THEY GOTTA BE RELATED!!!!!

ALTON BROWN AND THOMAS DOLBY

HE BLINDED ME WITH COOKING!

FUN FRIDAY - VIDEO FOR THE DAY

Artist: Yelle
Song: A Cause Des Garcons

WHAT DIRECTION DO I WANNA GO WITH MY BLOG?

I’m so new at this blogging thing. There are lots of things I don’t know how to do but a monster has been created since I figured out how to put videos (thanks to a little help from The Natural State Hawg). See I’m so new at this I don’t know how to paste his blog site in!

I had so much fun putting music videos on here yesterday that I’ve decided to have a daily video post. The Editor thought it might be a good idea if I kept this blog for my stories, etc. and started a new blog for videos only but I don’t really have the time to take care of two blogs. And I’m finding that the more fun I have with this blog, the less I wanna blog about the abusive stuff. Anyway, I just wanna keep this simple. Just post a video a day and also keep posting stuff just like I’ve been doing.

I wanted to have some kind of format for each day as far as videos.....so here’s what I came up with!

Happy Monday - Mondays are kinda hard for everyone, I think. Trying to get back in the swing of things, so I thought Monday could be videos that in some way just make me smile and will maybe make somebody else smile. Maybe start the week off a little low key.

Double Shot Tuesday - Something old, something new. I was thinking maybe artists that have been around for a while. Something old from them and then something new. I might even have a few Tuesday’s with something borrowed (covers) and something blue (slower songs). Who knows. I don’t wanna set anything in stone. I think that would take the fun out of it!

Wonderful Weird Wednesday - Unusual videos.

Upbeat Thursday - getting closer to the weekend. A little rock or electronic or dancy.

Fun Friday - videos that just make you laugh and make you wanna get up and start the weekend.

I don’t know. I’m just starting out. But it might be fun!

If anybody has any suggestions, just send comments!!!!

FUNNY VIDEO FOR THE DAY

Artist: Johnny McGovern
Song: Don't Fall in Love with a Homo

THIS VIDEO FREAKS ME OUT....AND I LOVE IT FOR THAT!

BAND: Bat for Lashes
SONG: What's a Girl to Do

LOVE THIS VIDEO! GET ON YOUR TREADMILLS AND GO!!!!!

BAND: OK GO

SONG: HERE IT GOES AGAIN!

ONE OF MY FAVORITE VIDEOS!

Band Name: Sia

Song: Sunday

This is one of my favorite videos ever. It reminds me of my life back when I was abused. No matter how hard I got knocked down, I got back up and put a smile on my face. This first time I saw this video, tears rolled down my face!

QUOTE OF THE DAY

TAKEN FROM MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA BY ARTHUR GOLDEN:

WE LEAD OUR LIVES LIKE WATER FLOWING DOWN A HILL, GOING MORE OR LESS IN ONE DIRECTION UNTIL WE SPLASH INTO SOMETHING THAT FORCES US TO FIND A NEW COURSE.

SO TODAY I'M MISSING TWO!!!!

THE SMITHS & HOWARD JONES

I have XM in my car and on the way to work I heard:

The Smiths - A Boy With a Thorn in his Side

Howard Jones - What is Love.

Had to just sit in my car in the parking lot and wait till What is Love was over. Good thing nobody was around. I was singing at the top of my lungs!!!!!!!

ISN'T THE ORIGINAL BETTER?

So have you seen the commercial yet that has the remake of The Fixx's Saved by Zero? I think it's a car commercial but I'm not for sure. I wasn't really paying much attention to the commercial because I was tripping out over the terrible remake of Saved by Zero. They were saying something about 0% financing but the song was so bad...that's all I could concentrate on.

This brings two questions to my mind:

1. Why can't they use the original? Is it because they've asked the band for permission and they've said no? Or is it cheaper to just do a remake? It certainly doesn't sound better!

2. How effective is this kind of advertising when all I can remember is how awful the song was and I can't tell you what they were selling?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm............................

THE DAY I MET FLOCK OF SEAGULLS

Back in the early 80's, Flock of Seagulls played at a local bar/restaurant in town. I was a huge fan and so excited that they were coming to Little Rock. I got my tickets early and couldn’t wait to see them live!

Finally, the day arrived. Baby’s Daddy and I went to the restaurant early for dinner and while we were sitting at our table, Flock of Seagulls came walking through. I was so excited, Baby’s Daddy told me to go ahead and catch up to them. I jumped up from the table and caught up with the lead singer, Mike Score. I blurted out - can I please meet you? And he said - I don’t know, can you? In his British accent I might add. I knew better than to say can I, instead of may I, but I just was so excited! I wasn’t thinking about proper English. Man........I was just crushed. I was much younger then. I’ve learned since then not to bother a band before they play. They usually are nervous, have a lot on their mind and don’t wanna talk to fans until after the show. Needless to say, Mike Score was NOT very nice to me. He was rude and I only talked to the band for a few seconds.

I still stayed for the show which was awesome. I even saw them several years later at a different venue in Little Rock. But I will never forget how really little he made me feel when he looked down at me and said, I don’t know, can you? I just wanted to act out the lyrics to one of their most popular songs:

And I ran, I ran so far away.

BIZZY BUZZ BUZZ

This was my favorite toy of all time. Did anybody else have one of these? See the point at the end of the bee's nose? That's a pen. The pens were interchangeable. It ran on batteries. You would put whichever color pen you wanted in the nose, turn on the batteries, and it would write little squiggly lines all over the page. I wish I still had mine!

Um, does a bee have a nose? I guess that's a question for The Editor. He loves bees and when he grows up he wants to be a bee keeper. He already has the bee suit and everything!

GAVIN AND STACEY

Okay, so if you know me, you know how I LOVE BRITISH SITCOMS. I've been watching this new one on BBC America. Gavin and Stacey. It's about the two characters on the left. Their best friends are pictured on the right and they are actually the writers of the show.


Has anybody else watched this show? It is so TIVOable!

DEPECHE MODE

Okay, you guys, I want feedback on this post. What's your favorite Depeche Mode song? Mine? I have two:

1. People are People

2. Master and Servant

Yeah, I like the old stuff. And love the videos when they look like they're about 14!

HOLIDAY TREE - OH, YEAH!

So the Editor and I were walking in Argenta the other day and a local church had put this X-Mas Tree on the curb. I was gonna have to buy a new tree this year so I decided I wanted it. The Editor was kind enough to lug it from the curb to our friend Monty’s truck and then to his house. Later he transported it to my house. It seemed silly to tear it down and then put it back up for X-Mas. What to do.

EUREKA! Holiday Tree. A tree that I’ll leave up year round and decorate for Halloween, Thanksgiving, X-Mas, New Year’s, Valentine’s Day, Easter, etc.

So here’s the first tree. My Halloween Tree! He, he he.

M & M's AND BLOODY KNEES

So one day, several years ago, I was walking to the Courthouse to file some pleadings for this law firm I was working for at the time. This was back when the Bankruptcy Court building was being remodeled and my plan was to walk across the street in front of the Bankruptcy Court building. The light was red for me but the cars that were coming down the street were a long way off and I decided that I could beat those cars if I would just run across the street. I took off but the next thing I knew, I was on all fours and when I fell, the contents of my purse and the papers I was carrying scattered all over the road.

Now for some reason, when I fall down (heck, when ANYBODY falls down) I start laughing. I’m on the pavement, laughing so hard that I can’t get up. It took me so long to get up, the cars that were way down there when I fell, caught up to me and had to stop to keep from hitting me. I was wearing a "just above the knee length" dress with panty hose and when I finally did get up, my panty hose were ripped at the knees and my knees were bleeding. And guess what? I wasn’t the only one laughing. There were a bunch of construction workers across the street at the Bankruptcy Court building and they were having a good ole time watching me gather all my stuff back together.

Well, I was a mess and all but I still had to go to the Courthouse. So, I hobbled down the street until I got to the Courthouse and I walked in, bloody knees and all. Boy, that felt good walking through the Courthouse with bloody knees while everyone else was all dressed up.
The first place I had to go was to the Sheriff’s Department to leave some papers that needed to be served. The lady behind the desk took one look at me and said, "honey, I think you’d look better if you just popped into the bathroom there and just took those panty hose completely off!" One of the deputies was standing there and I could tell he kinda felt sorry for me. I hobbled into the bathroom, threw the panty hose away and did my best to clean up my knees. When I opened the door, the deputy was standing there with this big giant size bag of M & M’s. He said maybe that would make me feel better.

I must have been a sight to see when I got back to the law office hobbling in with my torn up knees and my giant bag of M & M’s. One of my bosses was standing there in the hall. I walked up and said "I fell down on the way to the Courthouse." Would you believe he said, "Are you gonna sue us?" Can you believe that!!!! Not are you okay.....I’m sorry you got hurt.........nope. Just, are you gonna sue us? Yeah, right, dude, I’m gonna sue you for my clumsiness!

BOOK REVIEW

ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10:

8

SECOND QUOTE FOR THE DAY

Doing feeds the soul. What a woman does in her life isn't the point; it's how she feels about it. And how her work, whatever it is, fills her up and rounds her out.

QUOTE FOR THE DAY

We need to encourage each other as adventurers and remind each other and ourselves that the path that's right for one part of our lives may not be the right path for the next. When we talk to our daughters, we need to remember that the question isn't "What do you want to be when you grow up?" but "who do you want to be?" We need to remind them that the "who" we are changes over time, is grown and given shape by different life experiences and that there is always time to change your mind and choose a different, more satisfying path.

BOOK RATING

ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10:

8

QUOTE FOR THE DAY

NO ONE IS DOOMED BY ONE'S PAST MISTAKES.
INSTEAD OF DROWNING IN THE FLOOD, YOU MIGHT AS WELL BUILD A SWIMMING POOL.

This is a quote from Stone Kiss. Gee, I Love that!

HONEY HUSH!!!!!!

Now there was a man for ya!!!!!! The theme song alone can get me all a-twitter! One of my favorite things to do (when I'm not hanging with the Editor) is to go home, turn on the western channel and watch The Rifleman while I cook dinner.

DA DA DA DA DA......DA DA DA DA DA DA! Always somebody trying to pick a fight with him but He does the right thing everytime while his son watches and learns. In every episode there's a lesson to be learned. He's a great role model no matter what year it was filmed. TIMELESS!

We just don't have heroes like that anymore!!!!!!!

FLESH FOR LULU

Remember Flesh for Lulu? I loved thier song "Stupid in the Streets". I miss all those new wave alternative bands that were always on MTV back in the 80's. Bands like Soft Cell, Modern English, Flock of Seagulls, Eurythmics, Missing Persons, Psychedelic Furs, INXS, Talk Talk, Tears for Fears, Heaven 17, etc. Some of them are still together (Depeche Mode, The Cure, B-52's) but I sure miss the ones that are gone.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

THIS IS MY SON AND HIS GIRLFRIEND! THEY'RE BOTH AWESOME!

FAVORITE LYRICS FOR THE DAY

Okay, so I have two lines from a song I heard today:

1. I know you’re fine from head to pumps.

2. You’re trying to write checks your body can’t cash.

Yeah, I know, I’ve been listening to Prince again.

Sometimes ya just have to have a funky Friday!

A FREE RIDE EVERY WORK DAY!

I work in a downtown Little Rock highrise. I'm several floors up. The elevator is really slow and when it stops between floors it does this kinda jumpy thingie. I didn't even go to the fair this year because riding our elevator is like going to the fair without having to pay the admission price. And it's so slow.........when you leave for the day....you're only 15 minutes from downtown Little Rock!!!!!

Just random thoughts for the day.

HAVE A GOOD FRIDAY AND WEEKEND!

Today I'm Missing.......

OINGO BOINGO

BOOK RATING

OF HUMAN BONDAGE - W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM

ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10:

10 - ABSOLUTELY LIFE CHANGING

BOOK RATING

ON A SCALE OF 1 - 10:

7

PANTYHOSE SCARE!

One morning when I was taking my son to school (he was around 8 or 9) I noticed that I had a runner in my hose the size of X-Mas. I stopped at Wal-Mart to get a new pair and Ben came in with me. I got the pantyhose, went through the checkout lane, and paid for them. Like my story about falling down in the donut shop, Ben was at that age where I could really embarrass him. I was planning on changing my hose when I got to work but out of sheer meanness, I decided to pester him. You know those benches Wal-Mart has lined up at the end of their checkout lanes? Well, after I paid for the hose, I stopped at the bench and said, "hang on a minute, honey, let mama change out these hose real quick." The I sat down on the bench and acted like I was gonna change the hose out right then and there. I looked up at him and I have never seen such a look of terror come over a kid’s face. It was classic. He’ll pay me back for that one someday.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

While reading during my lunch hour today.....I found my "Quote Of The Day":

THE TABLES WERE SO CLOSE TO ONE ANOTHER THAT DECKER COULD HAVE LAP-DANCED WITH HIS NEIGHBOR'S CORNISH HEN.

HA HA HA HA HA HA!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME???????

On this particular birthday, I’d been married to Sadistic Mama’s Boy for several years. He was unemployed on this birthday (like most of my birthdays). I had gotten to a point where all I did was work to try to keep us from going under. I was pretty depressed and I had gained weight. For my birthday, SMB and I were supposed to have dinner with a couple we hung out with. I had worked all day and I was pretty tired when I got home. I told SMB I just wanted to lay down for a minute and rest before we went out to dinner with our friends. I laid down on the couch in the living room. He was sitting at the bar in the kitchen and you could look into the living room from the kitchen. I didn’t mean to fall asleep but I did. I wasn’t asleep long though because a noise woke me up. I looked up to see what the noise was. It was SMB crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said he was crying because I had gained so much weight. He said that once I got him by marrying him, I had just given up and let myself go.

Needless to say, this was not one of my best birthdays. Looking back, I never really had a nice birthday when I was married to him. Most years, he wasn’t working. He never had the money to get me anything unless he took money from me. Many of those years, his mom and dad would give him money and then he would go and get me something that was supposed to be from all three of them but I always knew it was really only from his mom and dad. He was always so proud of whatever the present was and made a big deal of how he took the time to go and get it for me.

As I’m typing this, I’m just shaking my head. What a loser! Shame on me for letting anyone treat me that way!

WHAT IS YOUR DEFINITION OF A GOOD BOOK?

I'm wondering what makes a book so good you can't put it down? A book you enjoy so much you think about the characters as if they are real. You can't wait to see what is going to happen to them. You can't stop reading.....but you dread the ending only because you don't want it to end.

I am an avid reader. I read one right after another. The minute I finish one, I start the next. It is the norm for me to be able to read for a bit – stop – go about my daily routine – pick up the book again when I have the time. Not even think about the book until I'm ready to pick it up again. But what makes a book so good that you can't put it down? You put other things on hold and when you do have to do something else, you are thinking about it in the back of your mind.

I can't tell you the kind of book that makes me feel that way either. It's very rare for me to read one I enjoy that much. The last ones I remember were Elizabeth George - What Came Before He Shot Her -- and before that -- Maeve Binchy - Tara Road. And these books are totally different from each other.

So what books have you read that make you want to keep on reading until you get to the end?

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!!!

I drove my son to school every morning for years. We would stop at a donut shop by the house and get breakfast. He would stay in the car and I’d go in and get what he wanted. So one day, Ben was about 9 or 10, I walked into the donut shop and I did what I like to call "A James Brown."

I don’t know exactly what happened. I just know that I was down and then right back up again. I had on a dress and heels and I slipped and did the splits. The place was full of customers and there was a big plate glass window so everybody outside could see me too! I was so embarrassed and I think that’s why I was only down for a minute and I came right back up. I mean, I swear I heard James Brown do his signature "Hah" and I looked around not only to see if anybody saw me fall down but also to see if Maceo was about to put that signature "James Brown Cape" on me.

I still don’t understand how nobody saw me!!!!

I walked up to the counter and got the donuts and headed back to the car. I already had in my head what I was gonna say to Ben. "Ben, mama fell down in there!!!" But, as I got closer to the car, I realized I didn’t see him in the car. I just THOUGHT nobody saw me fall. Ben was at that age where his mama embarrassed him on a regular basis....usually daily. When I fell down, he crawled down into the floorboard of the car so that nobody would see him with me. He wouldn’t get up until we had gone way past the train tracks. I’m sure this was in case any of the cars traveling beside us had been in the donut shop and saw me fall down.

The next day, just like every school day, we went back to the donut shop. There weren’t very many people inside the shop that morning. I said to Ben as I got out of the car, "I wonder if the owners saw me fall down or if anybody else told the owners they saw me fall down?" Now my kid knew me well. He knew what I was gonna do. I marched in that donut shop, made my order and said "hey, did you guys or anybody else see me fall down in here yesterday?" I told them that Ben had crawled down into the floorboard of the car and as I told them that, I looked outside and pointed to the car to show them Ben. But, you couldn’t see him in the car. Again, he had crawled down into the floorboard because he knew I was gonna tell them about the incident and he was embarrassed!

Oh, and no, nobody saw me – except for Ben.

A GAME MR. ABUSE LOVED TO PLAY

When I was married to Mr. Abuse, he used to have this game that he would play with me. Wait....correction...I didn't play the game with him. He used to have this game that he would play that involved me. We would be like sitting in the living room watching TV. I would get up to go to the kitchen to check on dinner and as I started to walk off, he would grab my ankle and knock me down. Of course, I would tell him to stop. I'd get back up and try to start off again. He'd reach out and knock me down again. After a while, I'd quit trying to get up and I'd try to crawl away. He'd grab my ankle and pull me back to him. Across the carpet. I can still feel the rug burns on my elbows. He thought this was great fun. Have you ever seen a cat play with a mouse until it finally kills it? I know how that mouse felt. It wouldn't take long for me to get really pissed off. I mean, first of all, it hurt. But even worse, it was like the most frustrating feeling. And all the time he would be knocking me down, not to mention how it hurt and was humiliating to me, I was worrying that dinner was gonna burn. I finally would get so mad I'd just kinda lose it and start hitting and kicking at him. He thought this was great fun. After a while, he'd stop and I'd get away from him. I was only 19.....away from home for the first time.....in what I considered a big city.....with no friends. I felt trapped. I felt like my life was always gonna be like that. There had never been a divorce in my family. Ever. I just didn't think divorce was an option. Now sometimes when I see one of my son's female friends around that age and I realize how very young I was...well, it's a good thing that I don't run into Mr. Abuse. I'd probably beat the crap out of him! If anybody happens to run across this post and are going through anything like that.......DON'T ACCEPT THIS IN YOUR LIFE. I don't care what age you are!

REMEMBER TALK TALK?

Remember Talk Talk? Gee....they were such a cool band.....I saw them open for The Psychedelic Furs in like 1984 or so in Dallas. Man, what a great show THAT was!

Anyway, that's all. I just miss em.

DONKEY HOTE

Several years ago, I worked for an advertising agency as a secretary for the Account Services Department. Each Account Executive had their own office but the secretaries were in this large, open area together. One day, I was opening my bosses’ mail (I worked for about four of them) and there was this large manila envelope addressed to blah blah’s secretary. He was in a meeting outside the office and wasn’t there. So since it was addressed to me, I slit it open and looked down inside. I could see several photographs. This was before digital cameras and these were like 5 by 7's. Anyway, I just kinda upended the envelope and as they fell out onto my desk I was so shocked I said....

WHAT THE HECK ARE THESE?????

And, yeah, I said it with my outside voice. Several co-workers heard me and came over to see. Scattered all over my desk were pictures of one of my bosses riding butt naked, on a donkey, in the middle of what looked like a river, with a fishing pole over his shoulder. Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. He also had a huge smile on his face in each picture. Picture after picture. There was a note that said, "Dear Blah Blah’s secretary....tell Blah Blah that NEXT time he comes this way, he should stop in so I can give pictures like this directly to him."

So everybody was crowding around and I wasn’t sure what to do. Especially since I had shot my mouth off and so many people had seen the pictures. I mean, this guy was my BOSS!!!! Well, I thought about it and decided what I would do. I took the pictures into his office with a note that said....Dear Blah Blah, what are you doing Friday night? I mean, whaddaya say?????? Let’s ask Heloise.

When he came back from his meeting, he buzzed me at my desk and said "can you come in here for a minute?" I walked into his office and he said, "how many people have seen these pictures?" I said, "oh, just about everybody." I told him what had happened and he just kinda smiled. I’ll always wonder what the story was behind a man and his donkey....and his fishing pole..........

I HAVE A CHICKEN PURSE....AND YOU DON'T

ISN'T IT AWESOME????????????????????

CHOICES

I’ve been married three times and I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about why those marriages didn’t work. Here’s what I’ve figured out.....at least so far. All my marriages were doomed from the beginning because of the choices I made. I made wrong relationship choices every time! The crazy thing is.......each man was controlling.....like my mother. Jeez. I’m not blaming her for my choices....but......I think I picked what was familiar to me. It has taken me this long for the lightbulb to come on. The light didn’t come on overnight......it has taken me years to figure it out. Help from friends, books, etc. The lightbulb started out very dim but is now very bright!

Let’s see......

Mr. Abuse

My first husband. I married him with I was 18. I didn’t realize it at the time but I married him strictly to get away from my controlling mother. He traveled and it was my way out. He wined and dined me until we got married. He really treated me well until the minute we got married. Then everything changed. Not only was he as controlling and mentally abusive as my mother but he was also physically abusive. I was married for two years to him. He actually tried to drown me in a swimming pool. That’s when I realized that I couldn’t keep the marriage together (and live, that is) so I filed for divorce. I’m sure I’ll blog about him later.

Baby’s Daddy

My second husband. I married him with I was 22. We were married for 7 years. He’s my son Ben’s dad. I can sum up our marriage in one statement Baby’s Daddy made to me. He had been married before and here’s what he said to me when we decided to get married "I did exactly what my first wife told me to do.......this time I’m gonna do what I wanna do." I could never do anything right in his eyes. Couple that with the fact that he was a bit OCD. When I had my son, Baby’s Daddy stood over the hospital bed, looking down at me with such admiration. It’s the only time I remember him looking at me like that. I remember thinking, gee, I can’t perform this miracle every day! I didn’t have a good relationship with Ben until after the divorce because Baby’s Daddy didn’t think I could take care of Ben right. So I just gave up and stood out of the way. After the divorce, I started to enjoy my time with Ben and realized that I could take care of my son just fine! Anyway, Baby’s Daddy was a good father to our son. If I had to pick one out of the three to have a child with, I’m glad it was him.

Sadistic Mamma’s Boy

My third husband. Oh, lord. The worst of the crop. I married him when I was 31. We were married for 12 years. Twelve of the longest most agonizing years of my life. What the hell was I thinking? He was working a part time job, no car and living with his parents when I met him. But he was good looking at the time and was really into music like I was. What made me think I could base a marriage on criteria like that? That was rough 12 years. I’ve often tried to figure out why I stayed in that marriage so long. I think because I had already been married two times and I so wanted that one to work. I’m not a quitter. Just made bad choices. He did a lot of damage to me while we were married but I’m so thankful I came out of that relationship okay. Here’s where a lot of my therapeutic blogging will come from.

The Editor

This is the guy I’m dating now. We’ve been together a little over a year and he’s awesome. I think I’ve finally figured out what makes a good relationship. It’s not so much what you have in common with each other, is it? It’s what is at the core of that human being. Is he honest, trustworthy, positive? Will he be there if you need him? Does he care about his friends and family? Is he smart? A friend of mine told me I needed to change my priorities. She said not to date someone who doesn’t have his own place, car, job, etc. That just sounded too materialistic. I don’t care about money, cars or houses. But you know what? If you are fortunate enough to find somebody like the Editor.....you don’t have to check and see if he has a car, home or job. If he has all the attributes I mentioned above like honesty and integrity, he’s gonna have a car, job and home. He wouldn’t feel complete if he didn’t have those things. The Editor is smart, funny, sweet, kind, giving...and most importantly for me........uncontrolling. He lets me be who I am. I don’t know how long we will date....what the future holds.......I can’t imagine my life without him around. I hope we are together for a very long time but two things are for sure........(1) I am a better person for having met him and (2) he is now my role model for relationships. The Editor would be a very hard act to follow.

THE BEGINNING OF FALL

For the past seven seasons, my definition of Fall has been cooler weather, the beginning of school, the beginning of the new TV season, hot chocolate, cozy nights cuddled next to a significant other, curling up on the couch with a good book, being thankful for a warm place to live and work, etc. Not so the years before. My definition of Fall for many years was.....the phone call. Dreaded every year. Knowing it would come, hoping maybe this year would be different, and then the persistent ringing of the phone. The call would go something like this.....Kelly, it’s mom. Just wanted you to know that mama has done some X-Mas shopping for you. I’ve bought you some really pretty clothes that you’re just gonna love. And, I went shopping early enough that you can go ahead and lose weight before X-Mas gets here. If you start dieting now, you’ll be able to fit into everything I bought for you this week. As Charlie Brown would say....I got a rock.

Now let me explain a little bit about my weight. Through the years, I’ve been thin, I’ve been overweight, I’ve been curvy. I gain and lose weight for a variety of reasons. Gaining weight can happen to me when I’m depressed because I’m in a relationship that isn’t working but I feel like I’m stuck there forever. This hasn’t happened to me in a while. Not since I figured out that abuse is a choice and that I don’t have to stay in a relationship that is not working. Actually, I don’t really even deal with that anymore either. Because.......guess what’s better than that kind of relationship? Figuring out how to recognize the signs which will keep you from getting into a relationship like that in the first place. Okay, back to the weight thing. Another reason that will cause me to gain weight is totally opposite..........because I’m really happy and settled with my life and eat a little too much, and don’t exercise enough. Losing weight....different reasons for that too. A bad relationship breakup...or not in a relationship.

My mother never weighed over 98 pounds the whole time I was growing up. She was a consistent dieter and worrier. She was a huge clothes horse. Appearances were everything to my mother. When she bought a new dress (which was often), she had to have the purse, shoes, etc. to match it.

The funny thing was I never really liked the clothes she picked out for me anyway. I was polite about it (hmmmm, that reminds me of another post I’ll have to blog about being polite when getting gifts) but I rarely wore the clothes she gave me. I remember one time, she sent me this sundress through the mail for my birthday. It had these little straps that went over my shoulders. The dress was yellow with two big green bows right over each breast. It was the most god awful thing I’ve ever seen!!!!!

One of my best friends asked me why I didn’t just tell my mom to buy me clothes in the size I was wearing. If only life had been that simple with mom. But you just didn’t voice any negative opinions with her.

I am so not like my mother. I’m a lava lamp thumpin’, hippy kinda girl. Heck, I’m carrying a chicken purse right not. It’s made out of rubber and looks just like a chicken. I love that purse.
Oh, well, here’s to another great Fall season full of the kind of memories that Fall is supposed to conjure up in your mind!!!!!!!

SUPERGRASS

BAND: SUPERGRASS

CD: DIAMOND HOO HA

TRACK: #3 - REBEL IN YOU

Okay, so my son, Ben, was right. Track #3 - Rebel in You - is the best track on the new Supergrass CD. Here's your mission, should you decide to accept.......buy the CD, crank up Track 3 in your car stereo and just see if you can go the speed limit. Bet ya can't. This song is gonna turn you into a lead foot!

DUCKS QUACKING?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

My mom took lots of drugs while I was growing up. Not street drugs....prescription drugs. It tripped me out how she would tell me over and over not to do drugs. Don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs. My mother was a chain smoker but her reasoning for smoking was that when she started smoking........they didn't know it was bad for you....so somehow that made it okay. And her pill popping......well, these pills were prescribed.

She would go to a doctor for her nerves and he would subscribe her valium, etc. After a while, the doctor would figure out that she was addicted so he would stop the prescription. Mom would move on to another doctor. After years of this, she even had to go to different towns because she ran out of doctors in my home town. It got to a point where she didn't even call the pills by their names. It was the blue pill, the pink pill, the green pill, etc. Though my mother would never admit it (and for that matter, dad would never admit it either) she had mental problems. She would go to a doctor for her nerves until the doctor started talking about antidepressants, etc. and at that point, she would switch doctors. This was a cycle that went on for years. And as the years went by, her mental problems got worse.

You know when you get a prescription filled and they give you that sheet with all the side effects? Well, she would start saying she was having all these side effects. Several years after I moved to Little Rock, I got a call from my mom. She said that she had been taking this particular prescription until she saw one day on Oprah Winfrey that if you took this medication.....you would hear animals. She said she immediately went off the medication for several weeks but she said that one day she just really needed it so she took one of them. She said she "heard ducks quacking for a solid hour". HOLY COW....I mean.....ducks!

AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE!!!!!!!

Like I stated in the first entry of my blog, I’m really doing this blog for myself. One reason is so I can get some of my memories down so I won’t forget them. But another reason is more therapeutic. I have memories that I would just as soon forget but can’t so I thought maybe it would help for me to blog about them. Only problem is – now some of my friends are reading my blog. So what to do. Let it all hang out, so to speak, or not.

I’ve thought about this for quite a while and here’s what I’ve decided. It’s easy to blog about the funny things in your life. Not so easy to blog about the painful…..but for me, necessary. So, beginning now, I’m gonna start throwing in the good with the bad. I hope I don’t offend anyone. I do want to be clear on one thing. I do not feel sorry for myself. I am a very lucky gal and I think considering all the things I’ve been through….well….I’ve turned out just peachy. And, if I hadn’t experienced the bad…..I wouldn’t appreciate my life near as much now. So….here goes.

I was abused for about the first 40 years of my life. First by my mother and then later by men. When you’ve been abused since you were a child, it takes a long time to figure it out. It’s just a way of life and you think it’s normal. I went from my mother to abusive marriages. My mother always abused me so it seemed normal for men to treat me badly too. I learn things the hard way and it took years before I finally started looking around and realizing that not everyone was treated the way I was. It was a long journey for me and several helpful people contributed to this journey. Friends, bosses…..even my son helped me. I remember one time when my son was about six years old and I was having a conversation with my mother on the phone. I didn’t even know Ben was listening. After I hung up, he said “mama, why does grandma treat you so bad?” I didn’t even realize she had been treating me bad.

There were several steps to my journey:

1. The first step was the longest. Realizing that I was being abused and that the way I was being treated was not normal.
2. Realizing that I was worthy of not being abused.
3. Realizing that after a certain point in life, abuse is a choice. It’s not a choice when you’re a child but after you’re grown, and if you’re lucky enough to figure out that life is not supposed to be like that, you can choose to never be abused again.

Like I said before, I don’t feel sorry for myself. I’m blessed to have figured it out. I’ve learned from my mistakes. And thank God I have a sense of humor. So here I go, everybody!